I recently read a wonderful book called Unschooled by Kerry McDonald. I discovered a variety of schools, learning co-ops, and the like who are letting kids follow their curiosity to determine what they learn.
While it was great to hear that others were blazing the trail of where I want to go, I was stunned to find that they were more radical than me!
What is Unschooling?
Children are naturally curious, you just need to give them a healthy environment and they’ll learn like crazy
There is no pre-set curriculum; students learn what they want and there is no “forced” learning of anything
The role of adult is as a helpful resource. They can present opportunities for learning (which students can decline). They are also there to support students as they run into problems, etc.
This video from Peter Gray of the Alliance of Self-Directed Education is a good primer on unschooling (also called “self-directed education”).
My dilemma
While I share much of the sentiment of unschooling, a few elements of the philosophy give me pause. It makes me wonder, am I too steeped in the traditional mindset of schooling? Do I just need to open my mind to a new radical truth?
Here are my hang-ups:
Won’t kids just play video games all day?
If I leave my kids to their own devices, then they’ll play on devices (solid dad joke right?). Literally, all day long.
I did an experiment one week this summer where I allowed my three kids unlimited screen time. They logged 10+ hours per day playing video games. We would talk about how they felt at dinner and they said they didn’t want to play so much, but had trouble walking away. If I put them in a school with this type of freedom, I think they’d continue this behavior.
When I pose this question to unschoolers, I’ve heard two types of responses:
What’s wrong with playing video games? Maybe this gets them interested in building video games or other types of technology.
This is temporary. Traditional schooling is oppressive and kids need time to rediscover their interest in learning. There is an idea called “deschooling”, which is the transition period kids experience between traditional schooling and a student-driven learning environment. It can takes months for a kid to adjust to controlling their own learning and discovering their interests.
Don’t Kids need to learn particular things (even if they don’t want to)?
For example, don’t kids need to learn percentages or the theory of evolution or that a question ends with a question mark?
While I think that traditional schools put far too much into the “core” of what needs to be learned, I wasn’t imagining the core would go to zero! There are things you need to learn as a kid if you want to navigate the adult world with any type of success.
Luba Vangelova (the founder of The Hub) gave me a thought provoking answer. If you let kids guide their own learning, won’t they naturally run into anything that is truly “core”? So they’ll learn percentages at some point because understanding percentages will be in the way of them learning something. At that point they’re actually motivated to learn it and will do it quickly.
If you assume that an unschooling model dramatically changes a child’s motivation to learn, so that they’re actively exploring all sorts of subjects, then I think you can make a good case that anything truly “core” will show up in their explorations.
Don’t kids need a push when things get tough?
Anything you’re trying to learn is going to have tough spots that you need to grind through. Think scales on the piano, conditioning for sports, etc. Kids are apt to give up and this is when an adult needs to push them to keep going.
A model that lets kids always choose will be littered with half-done projects and unfulfilled dreams. Right?
Well, it could be that along the path of a project they realized they weren’t interested. How does one tell the difference between giving up because it’s gotten hard versus losing interest? For example, sometimes you quit a book because you get lazy, but sometimes it’s because you got what you needed from the book and aren’t interested to finish it.
My Beliefs (Weakly-Held)
Exploring unschooling has moved me on a few margins, but there are a few areas I continue to disagree with:
#1 Kids can’t fully self-equilibrate
Underlying much of unschooling is the idea that a child “self-equilibrates” towards what is healthy for them. The problem is all the crap adults are doing.
While I agree that children have a strong desire to learn and that much of what adults do is harmful to that, I’m not swinging the pendulum all the way towards zero adult intervention.
Adults teach kids healthy habits like eating, exercise, sleeping, avoiding harmful (and sometimes addictive) activities, and yes, a love of learning.
For example, we don’t just present kids with healthy food options and let them decide. However, over time, by being forced to eat healthy foods kids naturally develop better eating habits and then the parent can remove the guardrails.
Likewise, while kids like to learn, they can also be lazy and get addicted to things like video games, TV, and social media. Screens are the proverbial candy of the brain and adults need to keep kids from gorging.
I make my kids go to bed on time (in theory), eat their veggies, and get outside and exercise. I limit screen time because I think it’s addictive and can push out healthy behavior. I also nudge them (on most days) to do some sort of intellectual exploration - they get to choose what to learn, but they have to choose something. Hopefully over time they do it on their own without daddy cajoling them along.
I’m open to the idea that forcing the learning time is the wrong way to go; perhaps I just need to limit screens and they would naturally jump at opportunities to learn.
It’s important to note that this is a generalization across all kids - there are some kids who naturally have healthy inclinations that turn into healthy habits and don’t need adults to do anything but stay out of the way.
#2 Kids need to learn focus, determination, and hard work
This is an extension of the healthy habits I discussed in point #1 - kids need to learn the habits of how to work.
Take sports. The unschooling method would say that I will naturally be interested in a sport and learn it. The “unschooling coach” would just present optional advice for the athlete to improve - no mandatory anything. “Try this drill” or “you might want to run some laps to improve your conditioning”. However, most athletes appreciate coaches who push them beyond their own limits. These coaches are using force to build the work ethic to be great.
Likewise, with learning, there are times you need a push to keep going. Learning can be hard and most kids don’t naturally persevere through difficulty.
So rather than letting my kids quit, I try to tease out why they’re wanting to quit. If they’re no longer interested, I would let them quit. If it’s just gotten a bit difficult, I want to help push them through it. Otherwise they don’t discover how good they can be.
#3 What belongs in the “core” curriculum?
This isn’t really a disagreement, as I’m nearly in the unschooling camp. I wonder how effective learning anything is if you’re not motivated and interested to do it. Although to be fair, I retained the rules of grammar and how to calculate the area of a circle, and I wasn’t interested in either at the time.
Learning things like grammar or how credit cards work is pretty damn important but is not going to be intrinsically of interest to many kids. So what do you do? Force them?
My current thinking is to guide them on why they should learn it, but let them choose. For example, you see a kid using poor grammar and you explain how that will be received by whomever is reading it. Or, you give them an opportunity to learn about credit cards and explain why they should be motivated to do so (“understanding credit cards could be the difference between you achieving your goals or not”).
Where I differ from unschooling is that I do think it is the responsibility of the school to make sure kids are prepared for adult life, which means building some non-optional skills. However, I’m open to the idea that you might be able to do this with a carrot rather than a stick.
Next Steps
I plan to continue exploring these unschooling ideas, particularly:
Reaching out to adults who have run these types of unschooled co-ops, centers, etc., to get their take on these questions. Kerry McDonald’s book is a great resource for this, as it covers a wide variety of these types of places.
Continue my reading, specifically Peter Gray’s Free to Learn, John Holt’s How Children Learn, and Ivan Illich’s Deschooling Society.
Please send along any suggestions!
ADDENDUM: Comments from Readers
I’ve had some great feedback on this post that I want to share (with permission of course)
Here's a thought regarding: "However, most athletes appreciate coaches who push them beyond their own limits. These coaches are using force to build the work ethic to be great."
Indeed. The difference to me is whether the child CHOOSES to work with that coach (which I would still consider unschooling, which to me just means consensual), or whether the child is forced to work with that coach. In the latter, yes, they may excel at some technical skills, but at what expense to their relationship with whoever forced this on them, and to their overall worldview, including their view of the role of force in relationships in general?
Also, I would challenge the idea that video games and TV and other screen-based activities are intrinsically not educational, and books are intrinsically educational. A few generations ago, parents used to complain that their children were spending too much time reading books, and not enough time doing real physical things; now books are held in high regard but screens aren't. Yet much of what I've learned in recent years has been via screens. And Pam Larricchia has also written about and diagrammed the learning she's observed from video games in particular.
A lot of today's video games are also social. But yes, I agree about the addictive nature of it. So I don't see it as black and white, and I do believe that parents have an active role to play, including on setting limits. But it's also children's responsibility/job to push against parental limits. Sometimes these things are easier to take when imposed by a non-parent that the child knows and trusts, like in a program/school setting. On a somewhat related note, that's why a lot of homeschooling parents I know outsource lessons in this, that or the other, even if about subjects that are their main fields of expertise. The whole parent-child dynamic can get tricky.
My response:
The only tricky part is with something like a coach – if the kid consents to coached, can they quit at any moment they choose? I would say no. It’s a bit like when my kids choose to play a sport and then don’t want to finish the season. I don’t let them quit – partly to help them understand the commitment they made to the team, and partly to get them to push through and hopefully see some of the benefits of continued practice.
Luba:
Regarding wanting to quit, this is the advice I gave to a parent with whom I've been consulting: If it's surface-level complaining and wanting to quit, I put that in one bucket, and would encourage and perhaps even require continuing; if it's deeply felt, distraught resistance, or adamant opposition, I put it into another bucket, and I may try to push a little to see if the resistance softens, but if it doesn't, then I let it go.
I should add that I would first try to determine the root cause of distraught opposition, and see if there's a way to get around or overcome it w/o having to quit. But if there isn't, I would not push it. Peter Gray article on the freedom to quit.
background on My School project
This post is part of a series on developing a new type of school. Click to see the other posts on this school project. If this is new to you, I’d suggest starting with the vision for the school. If you’d like to get notified of new posts, sign up below.